Iceland does not have McDonald’s. Iceland has dehydrated fish, Japanese noodle houses, an unnervingly thriving chain of Kentucky Fried Chicken, and yet not a single solitary McDonald’s. There is not a quick stop for fast almost-edible happy meals. And that makes me happy. There is a time and a place for a happy meal and that is never and in the trash.* Although my waistline is thrilled to have unhealthy cheap eats out of reach, my taste buds miss the adrenaline rush that came from my midnight runs to buy french fries with a side of milkshake and a side of a double cheeseburger…protein style, to watch my figure. I love going out to eat. Eating out was a typical date night. Either with my husband or with my mistress (you know who you are because your name is Charity and I just wrote it on here to clear that up.) But Iceland’s restaurants are expensive, fast food is limited, and I take things too literally, so when we moved here I decided to start going out to eat.
Iceland is a fantastic place to live if you want some stellar date nights on a budget. That’s because Iceland has wholly unique natural landscapes and, unless you are buying something off of Bob Ross, landscapes are free! Nature is cool like that. It’s not asking for your cash. It’s got enough green, so to speak. Now, let’s play a fun game where we’re going to ignore the fact that gas is $7 a gallon on a good day and that driving to stellar locations 6 months out of the wintery year will almost certainly end in, to put it lightly, certain death. With all that out of our mind, Iceland is a fantastic place to live if you want those budget date nights! Here you’ll read about a few times we’ve entertained ourselves with dates involving more than just food. There will be hikes, hills, water, thrills. But who am I kidding? The scenery is great, but we’re all really more interested in the road trip snacks. So I’ll include those too.
Hot Chocolate, Powdered Donut, Massive Waterfall
Seljalandsfoss is a waterfall on the south end of Iceland. It drops 200ft off the original coastline. You can also walk behind it which is basically rad. If you brave the slippery metal grate steps leading up the side of the fall and wear waterproof clothing, walking behind Seljalandsfoss is one of the most unique and visually/physically surprising experiences you can have while outdoors. (That that I said just now? That’s 20 year old white girl traveler talk for “I slipped on the path and my phone got wet.”) Once you are behind the fall the mist hits like fog in a Stephen King thriller and the sound of the water falling to the ground shakes your bones. On the way back up and out of the fall you climb slick rocks and pretend you’re not praying to break a leg instead of breaking your iPhone. It really is the coolest. Also while we were here we got hot chocolate and a powdered jelly donut from the cute dachshund owners who had a food stand near by. I highly recommend the donut.
Roast Beef, Beached Plane, Bollywood
One time Chris and I went on a date to see an old U.S. plane crash and ended up behind the scenes of a Bollywood smash hit! You think I’m making this stuff up. Sólheimasandur is a beach on the coast of south Iceland made semi-famous by semi-adventurist tourists because of a United States Navy DC plane that crashed on the beach in 1973. The plane ran out of fuel and crash landed (safely, I might add. USA USA!) on the beach. Soon after crashing, they found out the pilot had switched to the wrong fuel tank and they weren’t actually out of gas (just ignore that part. USA USA!). The site itself is cool enough to brave the rugged beach “road” as long as your car has four wheel drive. You could go ahead with front wheel drive but you will get stuck and it’s illegal and probably you’ll die. We got to the abandoned wreckage after twenty minutes of insanely bumpy terrain which seemed to revel in the desperation it was causing my over-active bladder. But all thoughts of urine stained rental seats ceased as soon as we saw the plane. It was a shock to see such a large foreign object in the desolate coast-line. It was a greater shock to see dozens of lights, cameras and RV’s surrounding the plane. It was an even greater shock to see the lean man in tight pleather pants standing atop the curved head of the plane, chest exposed and puffed out, trying desperately to not be blown off by the wind while…dancing.
I appreciate an attractive Middle Eastern man showing off his dancing skills as much as the next over-sheltered suburbanite, but as I nervously watched him sway forward and back in the 20mph wind, I worried he and his Bollywood beauty would be blown off the 42 year old plane crash. Fortunately they were professionals and by the time the scene was shot I had watched both pleather pants and his lady friend pose dramatically and romantically on top of the aircraft. The only moment of genuine worry was watching the actress attempt to climb off the plane with the train of her dress acting as the mainsail to a 95lb lady shaped boat. She didn’t fly away, they didn’t fall down, and after half an hour of perfectly timed fist pumping and hip gyrating, they left us to explore the plane on our own. I brushed the crumbs of a roast beef sandwich off my pants and thought about my exclusive behind the scenes look at some Bollywood work. I also thought about how tasty my sandwich was. It had cabbage and pickles and a sauce that would have gone very well with some naan.
Also guys, this was real. I am not making it up.
Basalt Columns, Lava Fields, Carbonated Water
When I say, “date night!” you say, “2 1/2 hour drive to see some tightly stacked dirt!” Because that was our date night. Last weekend was my birthday. This means my husband gets to hear equal shares of, “I can’t stand people who obsess over their birthdays” and “I need my birthday to be extra fun but I don’t want you to ask me what I want to do and I want you to plan it and I want it to be a surprise but I don’t like surprises to be too surprising but make sure it’s fun and please don’t mess this up because this is my special day and our family and friends are all far away so this is on you and if you love me you will make it literally the best day of my life.” I’m not lying when I tell you I said that, but also I only take 3 minutes to put my make up on, so I’m a pretty low maintenance wife. These mood swings, complimented by light crying and an overzealous outdoorsy streak, lead my husband to the only obvious birthday activity: basalt columns.
I have been wanting to go to the basalt columns in Vatnajökull National Park since I first saw Jonsi’s music video for Go Do. In the music video Jonsi (in bird-like attire, because, Jonsi) sits atop a massive field of these natural columns. The Svartifoss, Black Waterfall, has these columns and is something I want to see occasionally more than the face of my future first born. Because Iceland is big and because we had a pot luck at our church the next day (we don’t mess around with free food), we didn't have time to go to east Iceland. Chris found the next best thing. A small road trip out of Reykjavik will take you to Gerðuberg where there is an upset of earth in an otherwise flat plateau of, you guessed it, basalt columns! Tightly packed dirt for the win! I climbed up the steep hill to the base of the columns with the grace of a newborn giraffe on roller skates. That is to say, I slipped. A lot. Chris got photos of it, but I’m not showing them because this is internet life and in internet life I pick the photos to post and those photos say I never have breakouts, have no double chin, and hiked up those hills like a pro. The columns were awesome. Something I’ve never seen before. But then I thought about food. I had a Prince Polo candy bar in the car. It’s “meh” on the scale of candies I’ll give calories to. But it scores very high on the scale of causing thirst after consumption. I had the Price Polo. I was thirsty. And Chris had a solution up his sleeve.
In Iceland, we go out to eat. In Iceland, anyone can also go out to quench their thirst. Yeah, sure, for outdoors and adventure, but also literally. The glacial water is clean and cold and satisfying. But this is Iceland, which means glacial water is normal, average at best, and it’s not too hard to up your nature game. Which is why after seeing the basalt columns Chris took us down past an extinct volcano, through a lava field, and brought our empty soda bottles to be filled with, soda. There was a small carbonated spring beneath another breathtaking waterfall (I know, “yawn” right?) that you could get to quite easily, if you were willing to trek through a lava field. I was. And it was all delicious.
Merry Birthdaysmas one and all! I hope you all go out to eat in my honor! Just FYI the outdoors are great and all, but I prefer Cafe Rio.
*This term was used once by my Kindergarten best friend. Although she used it to describe decaf coffee and at the time she was not five. Katherine, just like our time together at the Red table in Mrs. Barton’s class, I still use you as a source of inspiration and steal your stuff when I know it will get me a gold star. Also I love you and I'm glad we moved past my being in first grade with your twin instead of with you.
